either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
