But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
