I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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