I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
