I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
