Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
