I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
