he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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