Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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