I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
