you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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