He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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