I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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