I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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