Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
