Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
