i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
