I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There r osticjed everywhere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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