i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
