four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
