i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
