My brain says no but my pants say off.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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