What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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