OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
