she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
