Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
