i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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