my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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