Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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