I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
