How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
