they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
