You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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