I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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