I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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