At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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