you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Farmville is her only friend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
