She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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