So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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