You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
