so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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