Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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