New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
