so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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