so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
