I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
