They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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