I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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