Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
