I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
