She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
